I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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