Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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