Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
