yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
