I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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