I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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