It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
