I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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