i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
