He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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