I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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