the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
