Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
