She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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