Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's the barista slut.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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