all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
