I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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