Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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