I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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