She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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