I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
