my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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