I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
