You smell like a Billy Joel song
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
