and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
