Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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