i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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