Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
