I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
