He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
