to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
