I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Soap is not a condiment
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
