im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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