wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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