what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
