ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
