she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
