We need to rekindle our bromance
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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