i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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