when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
