didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
