anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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