we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
