The maid of honor just puked.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She even gives head with a lisp.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
