Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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