??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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