I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
