I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
