I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
