Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
